secret of the girl in dark dress
by ela5
Summary: what if misa wasnt exactly the person who everyone thinks...
1. truths behind the lies

This kind of change in character of misa, cause she pretty stupid for acting like that.

I don't own death note.

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Behind the mask

Day one

I look at outside my window while it rain.

I like the rain it make me feel like angels wore crying and took away all the dirty things in life.

I wanted to be outside and let my body soak while I dance to it and cry my lies and the crimes I had committed.

My name Amane Misa, im a popular idol in Japan and the helping hand of 'Kira', as know as Light Yagami, the man who i lie to love.

Yes all my life is been a lie seen the day I met Light, I told him I will be devoted to him, but I knew that he will use me and throw me away.

Why did I let myself in this situation?; I don't know why, I think it was my hunger to see what this 'Kira' will do.

Rem is my shinigami, she is 'god of death' and she protects me. I was happy to have her with me and what made me happy was that promised she told to Light that she will kill him if I die on the time I wasn't suppose to die, So of course he complied.

The other reason I wanted to help kira, cause I believe in justice and to get revenge for my father and mother, oh how miss mother when she stroke my hair and smile to me telling everything was going to be ok and father always nagging me for wearing those short skirts.

I think I can't hold onto my tears , for my lies of love and me being this person.

Im not an idiot, nor am Im in love to him and Im discussed it to myself and him.

I move away from the window and turn on the tv, their Kiyomi Takada, the messenger of kira tv or something, sends a message about some guy who committed adultery was killed by kira and she goes that we should praised kira 'the new god'.

"God…were are you?", this world is coming to end and we are damned for our sins, please God hear me out, if you exit don't let Light Yagami be the next god.

I turn off the tv and think about the fool who got killed, 'did he to had to be killed by kira?', but what am I talking about im too a killer and murder of what I believe to be justice, i should not pity him what so ever.

I say goodnight to Mogi, one of the police officer who is pretending to be my manager and taking care of me. He then ask me if I was ok, I used my mask and tell him "super duper", god i think im going to get sick. He waves goodnight and I exit to my room.

My thought go back once again to the past when I met **Ryuuzaki, **as well know as 'L'. he was one of our victims, the one who kira beat.

I rely like him, he was funny, he got a kind smile, he was weird, he ate to much fat food and dint gain weight and sited in a weir way. I some time wanted to ask him how does he do it and does it hurt, then I laugh quietly so no one can hear me.

Then I wonder some more when the time when he touch my bud and panic about it, I still laugh about it, im still mad that he did that. Specially for putting on that scary place, I never though that something like that will ever happen to me.

Wonder if should love him, no… he is dead now and it was my fault.

Why was he killed, did he to need to be punished by the justice of the new god kira.

I closed my eyes and let the darkness devoured me and hope i don't wake up.

Well what do you think uh?

Please review.


	2. let it end

Day two

It was 7:15 when my alarm woke me up, and only wished to stay in this covers and die here now.

"misa misa, are you ready?", ask mogi who knock at my door.

How I hate been call that, 'misa misa', it sound like im rely retard.

I grown and look at myself in the mirror, I can say I look like mess waiting to ended all. My hair was every were and the big shirt I was wearing was all wrinkly, I rely dint care, but Misa Amane had look her splendid all the time.

I went to my closet and grab a black dress with ribbons on its bottom and a gothic cross in the chest part.

I rely like the color black, it rely represented myself and my soul, a dark of hollow life in it.

A girl who only wear black with a cross is asking god for forgiveness for her being and what she became. Im a black angel, a fallen angel, who has committed a crime and was cast away from god, found the devil & sold my

Soul for my justice.

I was done fixing myself and look at the mirror.

'Yes, that the look of a sick derange person, kira right hand, the devil in discussed as an angel, You Misa Amane'.

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"today you have a photo shoot with a company name…" mogi kept talking about my schedule and my to do list, some I think mogi like this job better then I do.

I smirk, thinking if he only knew that kira was using him, that im using him.

"what so funny misa misa?"

"oh…nothing"

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We arrive at our destination, as usual many people stop us to ask for my autograph.

"oh my gosh, Its misas amane she is so cool"

"Please can I have your autograph? "

"I wish I could be like you!"

"we love you, misa!!"

I smiled, "of course, I love too".

Poor clueless people, how can they say those words with out even knowing who im truly am.

How can you admired a monster who only comes to destroyed you perfect little world.

I smirk once again.

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I yawned, " shish, how long wore they thinking on keeping me their, I thought I was going to die for boredom"

"come on misa misa it wasn't that bad, I thought you wore used to do those things", mogi laugh of spoiled attitude and my drama.

"are you kidding, I hate been stock in a stuffy place were only old people, no offences mogi, talked about this and that".

Then out nowhere I felt like I was falling, "ouch!", I hit my bottom.

"watch were you going, idiot", I yelled only to find a little girl with curly black hair wearing a white summer dress and big eyes.

She dint say anything she only kept looking at me, "hey you can at least say sorry", I told her, but dint get an answered from her.

"hey im talking to you!", I got close to her face to yelled some more but was then stop by mogi, "misa misa, she just a child I bet she dint mean it", I yank away my arm, "shut up mogi, this girl needs to show some manners!" I retort it.

Mogi then offer a hand to the little girl and ask if she was lost, she dint say anything only stare at me.

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We walk across the hall looking for parent of this lost kid, I felt irate it cause she kept looking at me.

'what in the world is wrong with this girl, can she stop looking at me!'

It was 30 min we walk looking for this stupid guardian of this stupid child and I feel I want to pluck this kids eyes to stop looking at me, those big eyes that kept staring at me.

"hana!!", I heard someone call from behinds us and came running to the girl.

"mommy", said the girl as she let go of mogi hand and ran to he woman who seem to been crying and hug her child.

Finally the irresponsible parent comes, "thank you miss amane, thank you" she held the girl tighter.

"oh it was nothing", I wave my hand and fake my smile, the girl in the other case kept looking at me once again and turn around and said "mommy, that girl is no angel, she is crying in the inside, what a liar", her mother hush her and ran of with the girl.

'LIAR, liar, liar…', was screaming in my head as my body felt cold and I felt sick.

I ran of leaving mogi with clueless expression.

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My head spinning, as I finished throwing up.

That girl how dare she said something like that, how did she knew, how…can I mire child see threw me…how?.

I ask myself so many times that question, I thought I got everyone fool, but now this kid…im going to kill her, yes I already got her name without the shinigami eyes, that stupid women she just gave me the kids name, she gave me her daughter life.

I got out a piece paper of the death notebook I kept from when I got my memories back, the I try to find a something to write that miserable child name.

'oh well it doesn't matter I will used my blood, yes my blood, the blood that kill Hana Tomoko,' I laugh as I pierced my finger with one of my earrings.

The drop of blood came out as I was about to write her name, but then i stop by my hand trembling.

What going on… why can I write her name and kill her?, I sob and hug my knees closer to me, 'why can I kill her, she know to much…I need to do this', I cry in to my head.

'what wrong with me, did I rely became killer, im not good as those people who I kill', I cry some more as I grab a broken glass in the floor and cut my veins out.

The goosing blood from my veins wore warm and had and interesting red color, I laugh and cry.

'I should kill myself now that I have the chance, I don't want to be like this…I don't want to kill anyone anymore, please god kill me now!' I cried more and then my world turn black after hearing some one calling my name.


	3. in the shadows

**i dont own death note.**

Day three

Darkness was every were, it was pitch black, my body felt cold, but I dint care as long cause I felt my mind in peace.

I close my eyes and let the darkness devoured me, then I herd my mother voice, "misa…". I open my eyes and their both my parents wore standing

20 meters away from me, "mom…dad…", I ran to them screaming 'mom and dad' over and over aging, but every time I try to catch get close to them they move away.

"don't leave!!", I scream to them.

But they disappeared, leaving me in a world were no life or light was.

"I deserver this, after all I the one who done this, I should be punished for what I done…this place is were I belong, a monster with no hopes that only bring misery to everyone".

I let my body fell into the floor, I felt numb, but my tears continued to fall with no stop.

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I thought of so many things, while I was in this world of shadows.

The minutes, the hours, the seconds, it felt like I have been all my life in here.

Then I start to sing a song that was in my head so many times:

_**Be careful, God is watching.**_

_**In a street blacked by night, please link our hands together.**_

_**Even if I'm by myself and far away, He can always come find me.**_

_**He comes to teach me everything He knows. **_

_**Even if I should no longer remember,**_

_**He will teach me over and over.**_

_**But what should I do once I know everything?**_

I continued to sing this song over and over.

My eyes continued leak water while it look at the darkness.

I dint move from that place I just stay their looking, singing, praying.

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At this minute some one would gone mad or scream for help, but I dint.

I was still in the same position I was, limp body with no movement only my mouth saying the words form the song, but no sound was from it.

-"misa, how long are you going to stay their", out of nowhere rem came.

-"until I become nothing", I told rem not looking at her.

-"misa…you must wake up, you must not perished"

-"no rem, I done so many bad things"

-"im sorry misa, it's all my fault"

-"I move my hand to touch rem face ,"no rem, it wasn't your fault. You wore not the one who told me to kill people and help light" I smile a true smile.

-"I wish I can help you"

-"their nothing you can do"

-"but misa…"

-"no rem!"

-"I understand"

Then rem was gone.

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'If god forgave the one who sins, would he forgive me'.

It seem like days, rem came to here to visit me.

She would always say 'that I kind change in way then I use to be,

I would smile more, and felt more in peace'.

-"rem"

-"yes misa"

-"do think if in my other life, I could be something that doesn't hurt no one!"

Rem was quite, she dint say anything in 2 minutes.

-"misa, your not dead"

My eyes wore wide, "what…that can't be rem. I-I cant be alive".

"misa calm down, you are alive. You must go to the world of the living", then their was a light, "no I don't want to go", I reach for rem.

"misa you must, you have too", then rem disappeared once again while the light flash every were living me blind.

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well what do you think?

i hope you guys like it.

im sorry i for my bad grammar, so please review!


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